Starving artist has an existential crisis...

So today I did something intimidating. I had to purchase 14 blank canvases for a class, as well as a ton of paint. My grand total wound up being $180 on art supplies. So I am not a literally starving artist.

I was looking at how big and scary and blank and intimidating a white canvas is. They are sitting in the perfectly white plastic bag. And I hear them all. They smell my fear. My fear of explorationg. I come to this conclusion on almost a bi-daily basis. This encounter with this fear that maybe I am just not good at what I do, and maybe it doesn't matter. I feel like the art represents itself though so, even if it's just the pieces alone that matter, without me having to bear the responsibility of having any meaning? I'm not sure. It's a very unnerving thing to listen to gossiping canvases.

I was told at one point during my last semester that I wasn't a real artist. I was told that I didn't demand enough of myself. Is that what being great is about? Is that what defines me? How does some other person get to determine what this means? How can they determine how much I demand? (oh I really like that question, ask yourself that outloud, and revel in how good it sounds for just one minute). Somedays I think I should have just woken up read Cosmo bought all my clothes at Gap and decided to go into business, or want to be a housewife. I think having to wake up and realize everyday that you are only as full of the hope you put into yourself, and that you are only as relevant as you make yourself is a very tricky thing to do, and in fact, I think it's pretty demanding.

Update

So today I am sending out a batch of mail art, if you would like involvement, then please let me know. Meaning, send me your address via facebook or e-mail (Holden618@gmail.com).

Things will be up on etsy very soon. I need some feedback on what should be kept for portfolio work and what is safe to sell.

My book, Drowning With the Ink Fish will be out in early September, it will be accessible through lulu.com, and will cost approx. $20.

There will be some sort of reception for the book in the fall, I am still in search of a venue. I'm looking to do some performance poetry at this event, so if anyone would like to participate and perform one of their pieces, that would be fantastic.

The Relevance Journal, is a new project that will begin in September, and will be explained in a later post, which is also another creative correspondence project. 

Questions & Comments please.

Namaste,

-A.I.

The idea of an artist.

This is something I've been considering for quite sometime. After re-reading post-secret, I soon discovered one particular submission, it read something along the lines of "I care more about being and artist, then I do actually producing art." Several questions came to mind

-Importance of identity/label of artist.

-What does this really mean?

-Why do people have this strange idea of artists?

So...everyone...I'm tackling the big questions right now...

What (in your opinion) does it mean to be an artist?

Posty post!

So today I am sitting in a training in Boston. Quite frankly I'm so beyond  bored. This has left me lots of time however, to consider my latest projects.

Here's what's happening.

1-Mail Art.

So I'm continuing a project that has been going on for 2.5 years. It's a really big challenge. It's a pseudo post secret but not quite. Essentially here's how it works.

There is a prompted question/statement in a box. You answer it, put it in a box, and then send it to a friend. There will be 5 slips in the box, and my return address will be in there. When the slips are filled out, they must be done anonymously.

So...why?

They'll be published into a book. Honestly, there is something really satisfying about reading other people's mail, so I of course thought this would be brilliant.

I really need everyone to jump on board with this. Snail mail is a dying method of communication, I however feel compelled to preserve it. I think it's important, because then we have captured these thoughts. That's the point...WE...I need you. Please message me your address, either through facebook, or e-mail. The next round of these go out in a week!

Oh, and last but not least. You may respond in whatever way you feel neccessary, either through an image or text, (photographs are acceptable). As long as your prompt is incorporated, and it's small enough to fit in the box. I also understand that sometimes, we need some time to do things, but please try and keep it moving, I don't want this to fall to the wayside, and I'm looking to keep the creative energy flowing!

Cheers!

-A.I.